Recovery from chemical dependency for the family involves:

• Becoming educated about the disease,
• Adjusting to the sobriety of the chemically dependent member,
• Overcoming the negative effects of chemical dependency that you personally experienced, and
• Developing new, healthy behaviors to replace old ones that ultimately caused pain (such as enabling).

Family recovery is a gradual process. There are no shortcuts, easy answers, or magic cures. It takes commitment to a recovery plan, a willingness to work hard, and an openness to let others help you. Your courage to read this show that you have started your journey of recovery.

The following is a review of some useful recovery tips. Us any of them that can help you or your family.

1. Help yourself before you try to help others. Once you take care of your own needs, you will be in better shape to help others in your family. Make your personal recovery a high priority in your life and try not to create excuses for why you can't attend to your recovery program. The fellowship of Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, their "twelve-step program," and professional treatment are ways to help you solve many of the problems created or complicated by chemical dependency.
   Taking care of yourself also involves making sure that your physical health receives proper attention. Regular physical examinations, rest, exercise, and relaxation are important.
2. Talk with others and share your feelings, conflicts, problems and concerns. This provides some relief form things that bother you and may help prevent negative emotions from building up. Anger, resentment, bitterness, guilt, shame, and other hurt feelings can be worked out more easily if you discuss them with another person. Talking with others is a source of practical advice, especially from those who are recovering from family chemical dependency and the special problems that this disease creates. Rather than waiting for others to initiate discussions, if something is bothering you, talk about it with someone you trust. And remember, other people don't read minds.
3. Improve your attitudes and thinking patterns. Since these affect your emotions and the way you act, try to identify negative thought patterns. Once you do, you can practice changing these to more positive thoughts. For example, if you think "things just aren't changing fast enough in my family," you might ask yourself, "What's the hurry?" and whether it's realistic to expect such rapid changes. You can change your thoughts to: "These family problems didn't happen overnight. They aren't going to change overnight either. I'll just have to be patient and take things slowly. Even though things aren't how I'd like them to be, they are getting better."
   Remember that you won't always be able to maintain a positive attitude or positive thoughts. This is normal, especially in the early months of recovery. Don't be harsh with yourself. Give yourself room for mistakes. It's not easy to change how you think about things. Just keep trying.
4. Change your behaviors. Once you identify behaviors that you need to change, start changing them. For example, if you identified a problem with holding anger inside and letting it build up, or venting your anger at others who don't deserve to receive it, find new ways to express your anger constructively. Discuss it objectively with a neutral person; ask yourself if your anger is justified; direct it towards constructive activities; or learn to calmly discuss it with the person you're angry with. Or, if you identified a problem with bailing out your chemically dependent member from trouble, tell yourself that you will no longer do it. Let this person deal with the consequences.
5. Involve others in your family in recovery when possible. As stressed throughout this page, it is very important for all negatively affected members of a chemically dependent family to participate in recovery. This helps them heal from their emotional wounds and makes it easier to support the chemically dependent member's recovery. if others are reluctant to attend programs, invite them to go along with you, or share readings with them. If you have children, including adults, follow the advice given about helping your children. Involving the family makes it easier to face the chemical dependency head-on.
6. Be active with friends and social activities. Don't isolate yourself from others. If you've given up friendships or fun activities as a result of chemical dependency problems, make an effort to regain these. Or work at developing new friendships or leisure interests. Fun and enjoyment need to be built into your life. Usually, the longer you have been in a close relationship with a chemically dependent person, the more likely your outside relationships or activities suffered.
7. Read recovery literature to improve your understanding of chemical dependency problems and recovery. There are many excellent pamphlets and books that will aid your recovery. Check with The Van Ost Institute for more information.
8. Use your religious beliefs or "Higher Power" to find strength. In the self-help programs, people are taught to rely on a "Higher Power" to help in their struggles. A benefit of involvement in recovery is a growth in spirituality and love. This will help you when it's time to work on forgiving the chemically dependent family member for the pain caused in your life.
9. Support the efforts of your chemically dependent family member to recover. encourage him or her to keep their personal recovery a high priority, and support their efforts to get well. Give them space to recover and try not to be jealous of the efforts put into recovery. Do so even though this may at first mean that the person will spend a lot of time away from you going to A.A. or N.A. meetings or treatment sessions. Be realistic with this person and don't expect miracles. Don't expect things to always go well in their recovery. when he or she makes a mistake, try to help this become a learning experience.
10. Credit yourself for all efforts and improvements you make. If you work hard at recovery, give yourself a pat on the back and credit yourself for your hard work, even if things don't always work out. When you make positive changes, however small, acknowledge them.