Enabling son's drug use

Please send me any info that you can on enabling. My 17 year old son and his friends are getting together a few times a week. My suspicions are that more than once a week some are drinking from one to five beers each time, others are not drinking and some are drinking and smoking marijuana. As I try to talk to my son, I want to give him documentation that the effects of alcohol on teenagers is different from that of adults. I want him to understand how dependencies develop and I want to help him to understand what enabling is. Do you have any information that you are able to send me?
Thank you for your help.

Sue Lee

Dear Sue Lee,

......You seem to have the cart before the horse here. Sadly, what you are describing says to me, at least, that the major enabler in this picture is you, not your son.
......Over and over again in my columns I have repeated the advice to young parents that, in today's drug using world, it is vital that they learn all the facts about the addictive process while their kids are still in grammer school, before they start using. Parents should be the primary prevention source, yet most leave it to the schools or somebody else to guide their kids on the subject. The vast majority of the parents of our teenage patients haven't bothered to learn the facts until after their child has already become an addict. I am afraid that your story fits that category.
......I practiced pediatrics for over 28 years before entering the field of addiction medicine. I had become aware of how many of my young patients came from families in which one or more of its members was addicted to alcohol or other drugs....and, too many of these kids were becoming victims of the same problem. in general, children have few spokespersons to protect their needs and rights...that's a primary responsibility of a pediatrician (as it should be of the parents). After over 16 years in the field of addiction medicine, I still am firm in stating that children's rights do not include the right to use destructive chemicals that endanger themselves, their family or their community. Drugs and alcohol kill and maim. the obvious drug use by your son and his friends is against the law, and you must not support their right to use them. It is time for you to intervene.

...... Here is what you do: 1. Seek an evaluation immediatly for your son and professional advice for yourself from a credentialed drug and alcohol treatment professional..Drug use is a serious business. you have both the right and the responsibility to protect your son. He does not have the right to destroy himself, and you do not have the right to let him. What we're talking about here is how to save lives -- not how to be popular with your kids, or how to be a pal, but how to be a parent.... Your sone will likely resist but, remember, you are the boss, the one who supplies the roast beef...you have power which may be lost when he becomes 18. 2. It's late but, hopefully, not too late for you to read all that you can about not just enabling but it is imperative that you know the symptoms of adolescent drug abuse. (The Hazelden Foundation(1-800-257-7800)has the most complete library on the subject in the country. Also, revisit the Van Ost Institute's website:www.vanostinstitute.org) 3. Join a support group pronto. For info on meetings call Alanon World Group ( 1-800-344-2666) or Family Helpline(1-800-843-5437). They are experts on enabling!!