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Dear
Parents,
About two years ago last May, I received the following
letter:
"I've got two kids, has just started ninth grade and
the other is in the sixth. I don't think that they are using
but my guess is that I am just dealing with two kids in the
acting-up age. You know, simple stuff like starting to talk
back to us, not meeting curfew , fighting each other...and,
are they moody!! Maybe its just adolescent behavior but we
keep reading about how many kids about their age are starting
to use drugs and that the summer is a common start up time.
Some time ago you printed some "warning signs" for
parents to look for. Would you please print those signs again?"
Tenafly Parent
In my
reply, I wrote:
"It
may be late in the game but at least you are seeking information
which might help you to look for symptoms which could suggest
that your children are experimenting with alcohol or other
drugs. Most suburban parents maintain a "Not My Kid"
mentality....they simply won't put on the "seat-belt"
of good parental prevention----Education. They avoid the issue...
they don't study educational materials or attend lectures
about adolescent drug use...they simply leave it to schools
which , for the most part, aren't doing a helluva lot either.
"Having
said that, I will repeat the essence of the column....Perhaps
I should do so each spring instead of the fall... as you are
right on...drug use does tend to start with middle school
kids experimenting in the summer. Here goes:
Usually
one or two signs can't be considered much evidence--unless,
of course, (1) you find a drug stash or (2) you catch a child
in the act of using. These Warning Signs taken separately,
may mean little but, added together, they can amount to a
lot. What you should look for is not a single sign but a cluster
of them, not a single act but a developing pattern of behavior,
not a single episode but a series of them. Your parental instinct,
plus some of the following signs which we at the Van Ost Institute
have derived from years of clinical experience with alcohol
or other drug using kids, may help you put 2 and 2 together
and convince you of the need for action:
1. A change
in friends. It's perfectly natural for youngsters to be defensive
about their friends when parental criticism is voiced. Kids
will respond in support of their new friends if its even suggested
that they are using drugs.....Part of adolescence is pulling
away from the family to some degree, but if kids start using
drugs, this can become a vehicle to allow them to maintain
their drug use. They create their own "family" of
drug using friends, to the exclusion of others.
2. A change
in the youngster. Has your child turned irritable, unpredictable,
unloving, sullen, oversensitive, easily provoked, uncooperative,
hostile, secretive, foul mouthed, or more than just a little
moody? One thing all kids do, if they start using drugs, is
distance themselves from their family. There is no such thing
as a drug abusing kid who is also maintaining a close, loving
caring relationship with the family.
3. A change
in the way a child looks and feels. Has a relatively neat
kid become sloppy most of the time? Has either son developed
rock-star clothing styles that make him look as if he could
be a druggie? Has he developed unusual sleeping and eating
patterns? Has there been any weight loss or gain? Have you
noticed any of the following: bloodshot eyes? sniffles? stuffy
nose? frequent sore throats? acting depressed? paranoia? lingering
colds and coughs? nervousness/tremors? memory lapses? bizarre
behavior?
4. A change
in school attitude. Has either son's school grades become
erratic? Is he skipping classes? Has he lost interest in extracurricular
activities as well as academics? Has he been disrespectful
of his teachers?
5. Missing
money or personal belongings.. Money spent on drugs dissipates
within seconds. An adult cocaine habit can take megabucks
to support but where do our kids get the bucks to spend on
lesser glows? Could your son be living beyond the means you
give him or he earns? Are you missing money? Appliances? Jewelry?
Let me
repeat myself...before its too late... parents must get educated
!!. Thanks to generous donors, the Institute offers a free
weekly lecture series on addiction.... for more info, give
me a call.
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