Today's Parents Either Don't Know or Don't Care

Dear Dr. Bill,

...... About a year ago, the Student Assistance Counsler at our teenager's school called my husband and me in for a conference to tell us of her strong suspicion that he was using drugs. He certainly has been acting up, ever since entering middle school but , we thought it was just normal adolescent behavior. How wrong we were! An evaluation by a certified addiction counsler revealed the fact that he ahd been using inhalents and marijuana since 7th grade! We were horrified and ashamed.

...... We read the Suburbanite regularly; saw your Institute's weekly ads for the free lectures, and read your columns in which you repeatedly warn that most parents are in denial when it comes to drug use by their kids. Still, we thought,"Not My Kid!" How wrong we were!

...... Our son entered outpatient treatment; we attended family sessions and, as suggested by the Institute, we also attended the free lecture series that we should have attended before our son started to use drugs. Maybe we would have recognized the signs and symptoms were there..... right under our noses!

...... Dr. Bill, of the several parents who came to the lectures, not one had ever made any real effort to gain some knowledge about alcohol and other drugs; to learn about how kids get sucked in and become addicted..... no reading about them, no educational lectures...nothing...no effort at all!! You once called this"clueless parenting." We plead guilty. This letter is a small attempt to make amends to our son, perhaps, by reading this, some parents out there will take some action which they might not have done before then, all the struggles we are enduring will not be in vain.

Sorrowful Parents

Dear sorrowful Parents:

...... You are bearing witness to those parents who, remain so terribly naive about their own children's relation to alcohol and other drugs in spite of statistics which should scare them out of their wits. Studies consistently show that while one-third of parents thought their kids used alcohol in the previous month, in point of fact, more than two-thirds of the students self-reported that they had been drinking at that time. This says to me that one-third of our parents either don't care or don't know squat about what to look for!! For the last 9 years our Institute has provided weekly, continueing educatoinal lecture series which you finally attended. Its goal of remains: to provide an overview of addictive illnesses and signs of abuse of addictive chemicals to anyone.. not just to parents.. at no cost to attendees so, lack of money is no excuse. As you "Sorrowful Parents"note in your letter, although the lectures are well attended by family members already damaged by the addiction of one of its members, young parents simply seeking to learn how to prevent their kids from getting involved, are conspicuous by their absence.

...... Consider just a couple facts that unknowledgeable parents might trip over...There is still much that we don't know about addiction but we do know, for examle that the kids who are at most risk of developing drug problems come from family backgrounds of two extremes: those in which there is heavy drinking, and those in which there is no drinking at all. Des the fact that the parents drink moderately let them off the hook? No. Because there isn't a kid anywhere who's invulnerable to the drug epidemic.

...... It doesn't matter where the family lives, or whether or not the parents went to college or whether they are black or white or yellow or poor or happily married or unhappily divorced. Nor does it matter where a kid goes to schoolor what kind of youngster he is...sunny or somber, popular or not; at the top of the class or flunking. He or she is just as likely to try drugs as any other youngster and that's very likely as early as 4th or 5th grade, unless the parents have sought knowledge about drug and alcohol addiction. In today's world of two working parents: busy, busy,busy.."lack of time" is also used as an excuse for inaction. A good one, I guess, for those who don't give a damn about their kids.

Dr. William Van Ost, M.D., is a Co-founder of The Van Ost Institute for Family Living, a non-profit outpatient center for the treatment of addictive illnesses. The center, located in Englewood, offers continuing, free weekly educational lectures. (Call 201-569-6667 or visit its web-site at e-mail www.vanostinstitute.org) Dr. bill welcomes questions about addiction and the effects on the family. Address inquiries to Dr. Bill, c/o the Suburbanite., 231 Herbert Ave., Closter, NJ,0762