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Dear
Dr. Bill,
This week I am celebrating my third anniversary
of being clean and sober after drinking
and drugging my life away for nearly 30
years...making life miserable for myself
and everybody around me. Thanks to the Fellowship
of AA and the added support of a determined,
caring counselor, I have found my way out
of a living hell. Until this counselor made
me see the way and, literally, pushed me
into going to some AA meetings, I could
not....would not...recognize that anybody
could help me. Not even my doctor saw my
problem for what it was: an illness, a disease
which, with proper help and support was
treatable. That I could get better. That
I could feel alive again.
Recently, I picked up the following in my
counselor's office....I don't know who wrote
it but it sure spoke to me...maybe it will
for some of your readers:
"I'M
YOUR DISEASE"
"I
hate meetings. I hate Higher Power. I hate
anyone who has a Program or is going to
some so-called treatment counselor. To all
who come in contact with me, I wish you
death and I wish you suffering.
"Allow me to introduce myself. I am
the disease of addiction--alcoholism, drugs,
eating disorders, etc. I am cunning, baffling,
and powerful. That's me. I am pleased. I
love to catch you with the element of surprise.
I love pretending I am your friend and lover.
I have given you comfort, have I not? Wasn't
I there when you were lonely? When you wanted
to die, didn't you call me? Wasn't I always
there? I love to make you hurt. I love to
make you cry. Better yet, I love it when
I make you so numb you can neither hurt
or cry---you can't feel any thing at all.
This is true glory. I give you instant gratification
and all I ask of you is long term suffering.
I've always been there for you. When things
were going right in your life, you invited
me. You said you didn't deserve these good
things, and I was the only one who would
agree with you. Together we were able to
destroy all things good in your life.
"People don't take me seriously. They
take strokes seriously, heart attacks seriously,
even diabetes they take seriously. Fools
that they are, they don't know that without
my help these thing would not be made possible.
I am such a hated disease, and yet I do
not come uninvited. You choose to have me.
So many have chosen me over reality, peace,
and serenity.
"More than you hate me, I hate all
of you that have a 12-Step Program or go
to addiction counselors. Your Program, your
meetings, your Higher Power, the professional
advice, all weaken me and don't allow me
to function in the manner I am accustomed
to.
"Now I must lie here quietly. You don't
see me. But I am growing bigger than ever.
When you only exist, I may live. When you
live, I only exist. But I am here.....and
until we meet again, if we meet again --
I wish you continued death and suffering."
Living
Again-Rutherford
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Dear
Living Again,
Thanks for your your letter and that rather
powerful enclosure. May you look forward
to many more Happy Anniversaries!!
To my readers: If "I'm Your Disease"
speaks to you, I suggest that you do more
than look and listen.....ACT NOW!.....Call
Ala-Call/NJ Addictions Hotline (1-800-322-5525)
or drop me a line and I will do what I can
to help you........You, too, can "Live
Again."
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